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Chapter 12My Name Is...
Doubts just fill my mind. I second guess it all. Every single decision I make is doubted. I try not to show it, but my math grade is back to a C. If Mrs. Jaggi didn’t drop the lowest test grade, I’d be down to a low D. It’d be too obvious then.
Nobody at school knows. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been there and I don’t want to ruin that. I want to tell someone though, someone who will listen. Drew and I never have talked about it. That could actually be changed. So I bring it up, and instead of talking about happy things tonight, we talk about the sad things.
The school year continues. The bad things never happen to my friends or me. Not that I know of anyways. Bad things could still happen to us. It could change us all.
As the months keep going by, the feeling I have about the Circus Monster picture gets stronger. It engulfs my thoughts whenever I’m with Michael. I don’t show it, because I know it’s just my doubts.
Chapter 11My Name Is...
Alyssa, Michael and I walk to the office, laughing. This is the first time that Michael has actually walked with us after school, so I’m a little surprised. Any other day, he leaves quickly to go to the bus. Alyssa walks into the office and I hesitate before following. Michael holds the door and I follow in. I stand up at the desk with Alyssa, and then turn back to Michael. He’s standing in the corner, hands crossed and one foot on the wall, a small smile appearing when he looks at me. I blink, and then smile back. My heart starts beating really fast and I turn back to Alyssa before he sees how red my face is.
Alyssa turns to start walking and I snap out of my daze and follow. I get to the door and I look at Michael and he shoots his head up. He looks like he was in a daze too, because he smiles at me and holds the door again. I’m pretty sure I saw a little of red on his face too. We walk out and we say our goodbyes to each other. We say “see you n
Chapter 10My Name Is...
It’s almost the end of first semester. That means Christmas. That means not coming to school for nearly two weeks. That means I can’t see everyone. Two years ago, I would’ve been glad. Actually, I might not have even cared. This year though, this year I do care. Two weeks of doing nothing, of talking to no one. Everyone lives in the town next to us, which is about ten minutes away.
Two things could happen; One, I do nothing or two, Calista and Michelle will want to hang out nonstop. I wouldn’t have a problem with it, except that they get mad when I want to stay home and write or draw.
They know I love drawing. They know I write, but it doesn’t benefit them. It doesn’t fascinate them. They don’t like it; therefore they refuse to take it as an excuse to not hang out with them. It’s not my fault that they can’t entertain themselves – that they need to be with someone everyday until that friend needs to go home.
Chapter 9My Name Is...
After months of urging myself on, I got the courage to talk. Alyssa and I talk like it’s nothing, Leah and Lynzee act like we never stopped, and I’m talking to Michael (a.k.a. “New Kid.”)
He actually started talking to me. He used my trick actually; say something aloud casually. What he said surprised me a bit. I had been listening to Mason argue with someone if it was called “cheese toasty” or “grilled cheese.” All of a sudden, Michael looks at me and says, “I bet by the end of the day, this whole school will be at war,” and he smiled.
I looked at him and laughed. “Trust me, they will be. I know these people well enough.”
We laugh, then there’s an awkward silence. My turn. “Sooo… Grilled cheese or cheese toasty?”
“Oh, my God, yes! Thank you! So far, you’re the only other person to say that!”
Mrs. Johnson walks up, keys jingling
Chapter 8My Name is...
School’s fun now. I have the time of my life there. I actually enjoy this place I once called a prison. Peyton, Michael, Mason, Parker, and… wait no. The guys are there for Peyton. Who cares? They talk to me and we all laugh. This is mostly in band. Any other class, well, I don’t remember. My fun thoughts overlap the “bad” ones. And soon, it’s the last day. And I don’t even remember a thing…
8th grade: 13 and 14 years old
It’s like I’ve been brainwashed and placed into today, the first day of 8th grade. I don’t remember anything that has happened before this. Things did happen though, because my jacket is actually unzipped. Since when do I unzip my jacket? I always cover up my body. Now, I can look in the mirror and unzip my jacket like it’s nothing. I guess it is nothing.
And my hair is short. Not like a boy’s haircut, but shorter than any other girl’s hair. It’s pretty. And I don
Chapter 7My Name Is...
I’ve talked to her multiple times. Every time I did, it ended pretty well, because now we’re at lunch. Colleen’s not here, but Leah is. I guess I always will have my physical demons. I can’t escape them. Alyssa’s not here. I knew she didn’t care for me. I was an annoyance to her last year. A waste of space.
Yet now, people seem to be annoyed with Peyton. I don’t see why. She’s pretty and funny and not afraid to be herself. And I’ve noticed I’m opening up because of that. My personality is starting to shine. I actually look happy. I’ve noticed that Peyton wears makeup. Sure, it’s not big deal, every other girl does. I used to wear it, but it was just mascara and you couldn’t tell. So I quit wearing it. Now I see that I could maybe wear some more and look good. I could try some new things.
I’m really different now. It’s been a few months. Peyton and I are good friends. I’ve f
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