My Name Is...: A Negative

A Negative

What’s a Negative, you ask? Let me explain. A Negative is a voice inside your head that always rambles. They love to hear themselves talk, so they repeat themselves like a broken record. You don’t know why you listen, you just do.
They say cruel and disgusting things to you. They take the form of your biggest fear. No, not spiders or clowns or needles. They take the form of the worst version of you. The version you wish not to be.
You try to fight them. You put on your “I’m-A-Big-Kid” facade and stare them straight in the face. You stare at the similar features, but you refuse to believe that it’s you. Your eyes stare into theirs. Red, glowing pits of fear and torture. You stare into Hell.
That laugh - That horrible, screeching laugh that makes you shiver. Echoing over and over and over again. “Stop,” you yell. “Stop!”
They laugh harder. Once again, the record repeats. You keep screaming. You didn’t want this to happen now. They don’t listen. She doesn’t care.
She doesn’t care if she makes a fool of me. She doesn’t care if I scare those I love away. “You are such a pathetic rag doll,” she screams. “All alone in a world of perfection.”
All I can do is sit down. Where am I? My room? The clock in the corner ticks louder. Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock… TICK… tock… TICK…. Tock… TICK… TOCK… TICK… TOCK… TICK… TOCK…
She’s louder than the clock. She’s louder than Time. All I can do is wait it out.
Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get into personal things. Negative is just really loud sometimes. It’s normal. She started getting loud around five years ago. Enough about me, though. Back to explaining how a Negative works. Where was I? Oh, right, the screaming and laughing. It doesn’t stop, easily, does it? They ignore you and get stronger as you panic. Do you understand how? No? It’s simple. They know your head better than you do.
They live there - in your head - feeding off of you. If you feed them too much, what happens? Anyone? You don’t know? Are you afraid to answer? Are you afraid to admit it to yourself? Don’t be scared. It’s only the truth. You have to face it sometime. You can’t run forever. You can only be the image of you for so long.
What do I mean by that? What do you think? I mean that your Negative takes over and you become them. If you’re not ready to face that truth, well, you’re not ready to face anything else. Until you learn to mature and face your fears, your Negative will become a murderer. They’ll kill you from the inside out. You can cry out for help all you want, but nobody can help. You have to take care of you, because you are no one else’s responsibility. I don’t care who says that you are their responsibility, because they are lying. You’re the only one that can hear your Negative.
There’s a time for reality, though. Just like now, right? We should be asleep and giving our minds a time to be in a relaxed, yet numb, state. Reality will be here in the morning. Reality will be waiting. We’ll have to get ready for the day and go to our friend’s house, even if we just want to think.
That’s how Reality works.